By definition, Grit is the raw determination and perseverance to achieve success with any goal.  People with high levels of grit are actively identifying and improving on areas of weakness instead of just fine-tuning their strengths. We are all inherently “gritty,” to varying degrees, but finding out how to invoke a fighting spirit takes a little planning and lots of direction. To develop Grit and succeed with any task or project, there are two steps that must be taken in order to lay a foundation for growth..

The first step is identifying Motivational Types and understanding how it affects our ability to stay focused. Intrinsic Motivation is defined as the autonomous feeling of being driven by internal rewards. For someone that is intrinsically motivated, their environment does not influence their ability to achieve a Flow State (or the feeling of “time standing still”). They are motivated by their own set of values and beliefs in order to complete a task or project and do not let outside forces interfere with their dedication. Extrinsic Motivation is defined as doing something in order to get some reward or by feeling pressured to do so due to lack of power, self-esteem, or talent. Those that have high levels of Grit are Intrinsically Motivated, meaning what they do sparks passion inside of them no matter how mundane or menial the task. To become more intrinsically motivated, perceptions must be changed by analyzing current motivations, strategically seeking challenges and goals that increase personal intrinsic motivation, and “forgetting” the expected rewards or recognition associated with the end goal. By becoming Intrinsically rather than Extrinsically Motivated, we are gaining the ability to keep focus and perceive that life is happening “for” us rather than “to” us.

The second step is “The Four Keys to Building Grit.” The first Two Keys break down our resistance to change in order to build a strong foundation, while the second two keys focus on reinforcing good habits. The First Key is Self-Determination Theory, which identifies the three psychological needs (Autonomy, Competence, and Relatedness), that must be met in order to increase Motivation and thus Grit.  To become Autonomous, behavior must be “self-endorsed,” meaning a person will need to feel they have the opportunity to make choices that they can enthusiastically believe in. Autonomy in the workplace is not always common, but to increase the opportunity for more autonomous choices (as well as increasing competency and relatedness), one must learn new skills, listen to feedback, and establish a good rapport with their supervisor and peers.

The Second Key is Unlearning Entitlement and Learning Independence. Those that are high in Grit know one thing; that rewards are never given, they are earned. Entitlement is the opposite of Grit, and is defined by the belief that one is inherently deserving of privileges or special treatment. Shifting the focus to earning rather than getting involves identifying one’s Locus of Control. When life is perceived as happening “for” us (having an Internal Locus of Control), we understand that we have the ability to achieve success by internal factors; having a good attitude, making positive choices, being courageous, putting in hard work, etc. When life is perceived as happening “to” us (or having an External Locus of Control), we relinquish our ability to actualize our strengths and instead let chance, circumstance, or others control our destiny. To become empowered and have an Internal Locus of Control, do tasks that require you to be assertive, practice self-care, and set reasonable and achievable goals.

The Third (Hope Exercise), and Fourth (Emotional Flexibility) Keys will focus on building habits for success through positive reinforcement. The Hope Exercise asks us to make a list of what motivates us, as well as seeking out what our strengths are, how to be optimistic when faced with adversity, and proactively identifying areas of opportunity that can be corrected in the future. Drawing from the lessons learned with the previous two keys, we can begin to seek out ways to be grittier by learning a new skill, or by changing the way we perceive adversity. Make this list as elaborate and detailed as possible! For some that might mean creating a visual “dream board” or having an excel spreadsheet list to “check things off.” After this has been completed, increasing one’s Emotional Flexibility is essential to becoming resilient so we can “roll with the punches” that life will inevitably bring. Calling on the Bounce Back Projects “5 Pillars of Resilience” Link Here:

1. Self-Awareness – Knowing what our strengths are and calling on them when the going gets tough,
2. Mindfulness – Being present and experience the moment as it happens instead of catastrophizing possible scenarios
3. Self-Care – Setting aside time to relax, de-stress, and being present
4. Positive Relationships – Making sure care is reciprocated to those that care about us
5. Purpose – Knowing one’s morals and values and then aligning with a purpose that fulfills these requirements

Grit isn’t an attribute reserved for only the millionaires, celebrities, or the gifted. We all possess the ability to evolve, no matter our job title, experience level, age, or background. With purposeful planning and action, we can create a life that gives us the autonomy necessary to achieve competence, relatedness, and success. Through the Four Keys, we can tear down our walls of reluctance and entitlement, to alter jaded perceptions that keep us from seeing that life isn’t happening TO us, it’s happening FOR us. Ultimately, we have the ability to change our world, and that change starts from within.

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Indifference is a lack of interest or empathy towards yourself or others or being unmotivated and uninterested in tasks or certain emotions. In extreme scenarios, indifference can also appear as fear, apathy, a lack of confidence, low feelings of self-worth, or a feeling that you will never reach your goals. A primary cause of Indifference is Overstimulation, which is common in this day and age as we spend more time on our phones, TVs, and computers. We are conditioned to quickly sift through social media and “shoo” away anything that does not serve us at that moment, or we search for types of avoidance to help us kill time or silence uncomfortable emotions. It also enables us to focus only on the things that please us, which in turn affects the way we respond to environmental stimuli.

People who experience issues with indifference are not being exposed to the here-and-now situations that require real-time attention and emotions. Indifferent people will fear the unknown and will give up when encountering setbacks because of their learned “preferential attention.” To combat this and realize your goals; GET OFF SOCIAL MEDIA, get outside, and experience the real world. Identify your strengths by doing a strengths inventory and then further hone these skills through practice. Learn new motivation techniques through “positive trigger events,” which are events that trigger certain emotions or actions, such as listening to certain music, dancing, or taking a walk.

Perfectionism, AKA “nitpicking” or “hyper-criticalness”, is the expectation of perfection or giving too much attention to unimportant details. Much like the behaviors of indifference, perfectionism occurs when we are searching for reasons for something not to work out because we want to avoid any potential inconvenience, annoyance, or pain. We also adopt this mindset to give us a sense of control when feeling anxious or unsure of our choices. No matter the reason, being hyper-critical of every detail of your path will inevitably lead you to burnout. So how do you change perfectionism? It’s time to MAKE MISTAKES. Learn through exposure that mistakes and temporary setbacks are a necessary part of life and many times do not end up as bad as we think they will. When you begin to feel the need to pick something apart, walk away and say, “I’m letting it go.”

We fear what we cannot control and it is certainly impossible to control everything that happens. Courage is not a one-time realization, it’s cumulative and requires you to make mistakes, expose yourself to adversity and struggle, and overcome the fear that holds you back from achieving your dreams.

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• Unconscious Incompetence – Here a person does not perceive their substandard skill levels and does not know or may deny that this is a shortfall. This person may feign ignorance towards wanting or needing to learn the new skill, further doubting its usefulness. A person stuck in this stage must not only acknowledge that they are unskilled, but also believe that they are able to learn it if they chose to do so. Frequently, a person will stay in this mindset until thoroughly provoked or required to change.
• Conscious Incompetence – This person has now acknowledged their skill level and has begun to address it by “trial and error” learning. This can often be a long process (especially if the new skill is difficult to perform) but is the first step towards mastery.
• Conscious Competence – They are now fully competent at their new skill after spending time making mistakes and learning lessons. They can complete their new task or skill through a moderate to heavy level of concentration. Most of their time is spent refining the nuances of the new skill in this stage. While reaching this level is acceptable, this does not ensure long-term success.
• Unconscious Competence – This person has now achieved mastery of their new skill, which has now become second nature to them. Enjoyment and Flow States are achieved and this person may now be able to perform this task so easily that they can do it alongside other tasks at the same time. At this level, a person may be able to have long-term success in whatever they’ve chosen to pursue.

Thanks to this model, we are able to not only identify where we are but we can also identify an end goal in which to work towards. Mastery is not a singular route; at times we will have to course-correct, switch gears, or even abandon ship and make a new plan. This model, along with hard work, dedication, perseverance and discipline, can help us explore a new area of life that we didn’t know possible.

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• Get a Schedule – It’s easy to get caught up in our to-do lists, especially if we’re not writing it down or are procrastinating tasks until the last minute. It is no secret that successful people have jam-packed schedules – It’s the reason why they’re successful! Having a daily/weekly planner handy (or utilizing a phone calendar), is an easy way to keep track and stop procrastination. Can’t find the time to do what’s needed? Lookup The Pomodoro Technique or the 5 Hour Rule of Learning to help further.
• Get Out of Bed – Getting up and out of bed no more than 10 minutes after waking up is a non-negotiable rule. This does not mean turning to our phones to scroll through the latest posts! The bad news: this could involve forcing ourselves out of bed. Not only does laying in bed decrease motivation, but it also changes sleep patterns and can promote feelings of depression. Not a great way to start your day!
• Get Moving – Exercise increases serotonin (the “Feel Good” chemical), and endorphins (the body’s natural pain killers). Who doesn’t want to have more energy, less pain, and pleasant feelings throughout the day?
• Get Clear – What are we working for? Who or what motivates us? Having a clear set of morals and values gives a set direction and reason for why we do what we do every day, which further gives us more motivation to pursue our dreams.
• Get Off Social Media – Wasting time scrolling through posts instead of practicing the skills needed to advance? Waiting for the notifications to come pouring in order to seek outside validation? Seeking out content that gives the ego a boost? Social Media has many pros and cons, but for those seeking motivation and discipline, it could end up costing us our motivation and time. Why compare our life to the ones of others?

Although there are many more “Gets” that could be on this list, these are the most common ones (and the easiest ones to change), that affect our ability to meet our goals. The secret to success is not money, it’s the motivation and desire to win no matter what life throws at us. So… How are you going to change your life today?

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I know many of you “remote parents” also had the same revelation I did at that time: “How do I speak with my clients while my toddler screams before her nap?” “How can I concentrate on work when I have to teach my son his math homework?” “Maybe I can squeeze a shower in today?” The good news is that there is a way to navigate this “new norm” as a working parent in a volatile work environment. Throughout my years balancing work, life, self-care, and parenting, I’ve discovered three proactive approaches that helped me succeed during stressful situations:

• The Pomodoro Technique – Alleviate stress by working with the time that we have, not the time that we wished we had. With this technique, we break our workday into 20-25 minute chunks separated by 5-10 minute breaks. During these breaks, we can check in with our children, get them started on a task for school, an art project to stay occupied or have them complete a list of “jobs” created just for them. I gave my daughter a keyboard when she wasn’t working on homework and had her type along with me as I was writing emails!
• Strengthening our Emotional Flexibility: Emotional Flexibility is the ability to regulate emotions during challenging situations. Having more of it results in increased resilience when faced with obstacles or difficult experiences. To strengthen, we must recognize and evolve our 5 Pillars of Resilience:
  • Self-Awareness – Have a clear perception of who we are and our strengths, because this is what we will fall back on when the going gets tough. Recalling these strengths often to avoid the pitfalls of becoming demotivated.
  • Mindfulness – Being present and understanding life can either be happening TO us or FOR us.
  • Self-Care – Setting aside time for ourselves during the day is just as important as finding workarounds for our children. The ship doesn’t run on hopes and dreams, folks!
  • Positive Relationships – Making sure we actively show care for those that care for us helps us stay connected and supported. Plus, it just feels good to hug someone!
  • Purpose – Recognizing what it is we’re working for and purposely changing our mindset to align with that purpose.
• Increase Adaptability – Humans are creatures of habit, so creating a schedule that has both a long-term goal and a short-term objective is very important. During a hectic work week when our children are bored at home can be stressful. Before the week starts, map out a schedule using the Pomodoro Technique and then make a daily and weekly “deal” with the family. If they are able to complete their daily schedule, they can get an extra hour of video games or ice cream that night. Adaptability requires changing thought processes, not circumstances.

Success comes in many forms and for some it might just be finding a healthy balance during stressful times. Using the above techniques, I’m confident you will increase your resilience, adaptability, and success!

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