Self-sabotaging behaviors do more than just hold you back from your goals, it also creates problems in your daily life, your relationships, and your physical health too. Recognizing these behaviors early is important, as it takes intervention and repetitive correction to fix them. Self-sabotaging behaviors are not inherent, in fact, many of these we learn along the way through life trials and tribulations, meaning we have the ability to change and redirect. While there are many types of self-sabotaging behaviors, there are two that can cause you the most harm: Indifference and Perfectionism.
Indifference is a lack of interest or empathy towards yourself or others or being unmotivated and uninterested in tasks or certain emotions. In extreme scenarios, indifference can also appear as fear, apathy, a lack of confidence, low feelings of self-worth, or a feeling that you will never reach your goals. A primary cause of Indifference is Overstimulation, which is common in this day and age as we spend more time on our phones, TVs, and computers. We are conditioned to quickly sift through social media and “shoo” away anything that does not serve us at that moment, or we search for types of avoidance to help us kill time or silence uncomfortable emotions. It also enables us to focus only on the things that please us, which in turn affects the way we respond to environmental stimuli.
People who experience issues with indifference are not being exposed to the here-and-now situations that require real-time attention and emotions. Indifferent people will fear the unknown and will give up when encountering setbacks because of their learned “preferential attention.” To combat this and realize your goals; GET OFF SOCIAL MEDIA, get outside, and experience the real world. Identify your strengths by doing a strengths inventory and then further hone these skills through practice. Learn new motivation techniques through “positive trigger events,” which are events that trigger certain emotions or actions, such as listening to certain music, dancing, or taking a walk.
Perfectionism, AKA “nitpicking” or “hyper-criticalness”, is the expectation of perfection or giving too much attention to unimportant details. Much like the behaviors of indifference, perfectionism occurs when we are searching for reasons for something not to work out because we want to avoid any potential inconvenience, annoyance, or pain. We also adopt this mindset to give us a sense of control when feeling anxious or unsure of our choices. No matter the reason, being hyper-critical of every detail of your path will inevitably lead you to burnout. So how do you change perfectionism? It’s time to MAKE MISTAKES. Learn through exposure that mistakes and temporary setbacks are a necessary part of life and many times do not end up as bad as we think they will. When you begin to feel the need to pick something apart, walk away and say, “I’m letting it go.”
We fear what we cannot control and it is certainly impossible to control everything that happens. Courage is not a one-time realization, it’s cumulative and requires you to make mistakes, expose yourself to adversity and struggle, and overcome the fear that holds you back from achieving your dreams.